Post Thirty-Five: The Importance of Being Earnest

If you know the way this word was used during Oscar Wilde's time & you knew my new, most recent, loving companions I've been collecting, you'd realize the double meaning to being "earnest" and it's importance in my life.

Earnest:
Honest.
Earnest:
Fabulous.

Here's things I've been feeling deeply in tune with, things being songs (the links) and quotes. I've just started reading Wilde's short stories and about four pages in, he's alarmed me with wisdom on more than one (but only two) occasions. But still..the ENTIRE house of the Seven Gables only gave me FOUR counts of wisdom, and in four short pages, Oscar's given me two.

"Actors are so fortunate. They can choose whether they will appear in tragedy or in comedy, whether they will suffer or make merry, laugh or shed tears. But in real life it is different. Most men and women are forced to perform parts for which they have no qualifications. Our Guildensterns play Hamlet for us, and our Hamlets have to jest like Prince Hal. The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast" -Wilde in Lord Arthur Savile's Crime

Am I fit for my role? Am I strong enough to make a bad story end well? Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I've always loved that song. It's ironic how songs can just be beautiful songs to you at one point in your life, and later on, years later, be so relevant that you wonder if you had some sort of premonition in originally being drawn to it.

Okay! Wilde Time again!

"And yet it was not the mystery, but the comedy of suffering that struck him; its absolute uselessness, its grotesque want of meaning. How incoherent everything seemed! How lacking in all harmony! He was amazed at the discord between the shallow optimism of the day, and the real facts of existence. He was still very young." -Lord Arthur Savile's Crime

Change those "he"s to "she"s and "him" to "her" & you may be surprised to find a pretty good description of me. Life, in recent years, has been incredibly discordant, because every time I thought I'd got it made it seemed the taste was not so sweet. And now, it seems truer than ever that time may change me, but that I cannot, no matter how hard I try, trace time. Fortunately, I am still very young!

Allow me, in these coming posts, to weave for me a picture of myself by doing what I said I'd do in private, exploring and figuring out who I am. I will use every relative piece of media I find to explain myself. And I will do my best to reorganize the chaos in my mind so that someday I may have an idea, a notion, as to who I am these days.

PS: Today marks only the 3rd month since Zach fell. It feels to me, like years ago, because I have been so many different versions of myself these past months in order to flex with the winds of life. I miss him, still as much as ever. I think about him, still as much as ever, if not more. I cry, definitely more, because as time wears on, truth ensconces. Oh Zachary.